Revelations and realisations

Blogging is hard.

I did know that but this week it’s been driven home with a hammer blow. This week has been full on. All four of my children have had ‘big’ things going on. Last GCSES, options choices, final major project for college and less excitingly illness and friendship issues. Add in report writing time for me, settling an elderly relative into a care home and just generally keeping on top life means that time for reading has been hard to find.

And lurking constantly in the back of my mind is the blog.

“Must keep up with the blog. Must read this book, that book. Must connect with Twitter, must retweet.”

I managed, against all odds, to get a blog post out on Wednesday. But I felt rushed, a bit harassed and didn’t have time to do my usual Twitter follow up, to engage properly with other lovely bookish people.

Instead I started to get caught up in doing the ‘quick things’, namely checking the stats for the blog. Which not surprisingly given the chaos of this week have been poor. I did what I promised myself I wouldn’t do at the start of this journey, I lost sight of why I was blogging and got caught up in the numbers.

And I really want my blog to be more that the numbers, more than the likes, follows, comments and views. I want it to be something that enhances and embraces my love of books. That helps me find new things I love to read and connects me with new people.

This week I have struggled, thought about disappearing and giving it up. But then I realised I needed to reassess. I needed to stop trying to run before I could walk, still read what I want to read not what I think I should read. I needed to try and step away from the stats. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and concentrate on what I am doing, remind myself how far I have come and why I started this in the first place.

So in place of a review this weekend I am posting this. A little mantra, probably more to myself than anyone else.

“Blogging should be fun, blogging should be individual and blogging is about more that the stats”

Next week normal service – whatever that may be – will be resumed. There will be reviews, not philosophical ramblings and lots of lovely book chat.

But this week I am pressing a short pause, reassessing, reminding and thanking everyone who is still listening.

See you soon

Rachel x

12 thoughts on “Revelations and realisations

  1. Hi Rachel,
    I just wanted to say I read your post and it completely resonated on so many levels.
    What you are going through is completely normal. You have a full on life, with lots of things going on, and blogging should never ever be a chore.
    Sometimes you have to take a step back and find the joy again. Just remember you are doing this for free, because you love books and reading. You aren’t answerable to anyone, so don’t put pressure on yourself!

    We are all here if you ever need to vent, and we all know exactly what you mean!
    Love
    Clare xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I call this performance anxiety! Yes even people who don’t perform get it. It’s to do with expectations and feeling compelled to perform for others. It is always good to have a reset or time out button – in fact it’s essential for self care. You’ll be back bigger, stronger and clearer than before and that can only be good for the books you read and your enjoyment factor. Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts on this important matter.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Rachel,
    Think we’ve all been there. Since Christmas, I’ve been scaling back on tours and trying to just read what I want…I’m still not there yet, but getting there! It’s fine and probably advisable to step back every now and then. Be kind to yourself,
    Emma x

    Like

  3. Rachel Loved this post! Such an important message. It’s so important to spend the precious time we do have for ourselves on things we love doing. It’s also very important to recognise some weeks will be full of ‘life’ and it’s responsibities and taking a pause is essential. Taking time to reconnect with why you started something is a great way to rediscover that love. Ignore the ‘should do’s’. Life is too short!

    Like

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